(Bit Outdated. I have more to add here, or to post in separate posts. Keep an eye out for the tags. A lot has happened since I first wrote this post.)
Sebek feels very ancient. Old and wise, but very powerful. Lots of solar energy. He has the ability to be cruel and kind, I think, though cruel may be the wrong word. He has a temper that’s quick and furious, but doesn’t seem to last long. Long enough to get His point across, I’d wager. He makes me feel very calm and safe, like He won’t let anything harm me. I get the sense He cares about me a lot, and that He’s willing to do anything to protect me.
He’s very beautiful to me, croc-headed and all, and I feel a lot of raw, solar, sexual energy from Him. He’s a calming presence though, constant and calming. I can feel Him now as I write about Him and make this site for Him. I’ve often found myself cuddling my 33cm polyresin croc with added gold markings around His feet, neck and eyes. I can’t express how much I can feel Him around now, and how much love I can feel from Him. He’s fearsome, yes, but gentle and protective. I don’t know what it is about crocodiles I find so comforting and attractive. I really believe they’re the most beautiful creatures on the planet, while my mum thinks they’re hideous. That makes me sad, that I can’t find anyone else who thinks crocs are beautiful apart from me.
I’ve had times when I’ve heard Him growling quietly to me. You know, that sort of deep, guttural growl that so sings to my soul. I’ve had dreams (it may have been a dream — alternatively, it’s an image that’s appeared in my head that’s stuck with me for quite some time) where I’ve been on the bank of a river, and it’s all muddy and there’s crocodiles everywhere. I emerge from the trees into the crocodiles’ territory. My eyes go straight to the largest crocodile of them all, who I know to be Sebek. I walk respectfully up to Him, this huge crocodile lying in the mud, with His tail pointing towards the water (just to orient you) and I lie in the mud next to Him, wrapping my arms around Him, feeling His rough skin, hearing His heart beat and His breathing, the growling coming from inside Him. My head’s tucked up behind His front left arm, and after a while, I can feel our bodies merging, like I’m being sucked up inside him, feeling warmer than I’ve ever felt before. There’s this incredible love between us, a bond I can’t even find the words to explain. I get the feeling that Sebek’s not the kind of God who’ll turn up for a few months then leave you in peace. If you get to know Him, you’ll know Him for life.
He represents the strength of the King, and He’s certainly my pillar of strength. When I feel Him around me, I feel like I can do anything. And I don’t feel that way very often. Realising the immensity, the profoundness of His love for me… sometimes, I feel like I don’t deserve it, but He never really goes away, and I haven’t managed to mightily piss Him off yet, so I can’t be doing too badly, then. Feeling that love makes me cherish my faith, removes any doubts I have that it’s all in my head. Gods, I can feel Him now. He’s happy, and He’s making me feel happy and loved. If He keeps this up, I might just cry. Gods, He’s making me cry now. Beautiful thing. It’s a very powerful thing to realise that kind of love between you and God.
Sebek was actually the last God I came across, and that was only because I didn’t know He existed until I saw Him in a book I bought second hand and realised the importance of a trip to the zoo. I can’t for the life of me remember when it was, but I’d gone to the zoo with my family (and possibly a friend). They’d just opened this new Wetlands of Australia exhibit and that was the first exhibit I went to. I almost made a bee-line to it. Without knowing where I was going, I ended up straight in front of the crocodile. His name’s Simmo, and he’s a beautiful 4m long saltwater crocodile. I remember just staring into his eyes and feeling something there something that wasn’t normal. Something beyond the mere physicality of a crocodile. Only when I saw His picture in a book that I connected the two events and realised He’d been trying to get my attention for a long time.
See, I’ve always been fond of crocodiles. I think they’re beautiful creatures. Living dinosaurs, some people call them. And they really do feel ancient, primeval, even. Beyond time itself. I don’t know why they feel this way for me, but they do. When I was younger, I was (and still am) in love with dinosaurs, especially the carnivores. I remember at one point I had a plastic (or was it rubber?) crocodile (not too dissimilar in principle to my current polyresin one) that I’d take everywhere. I used to chew on its tail. So much so that I ended up biting a 5 cm bit off the end of its tail. That crocodile incidentally came from the zoo as well. That zoo has a lot to answer for. Sebek must like it there. Just because it’s the only zoo in Perth doesn’t mean anything. It’s a very nice zoo. I’ve been to see Simmo several times. And I’m saving up enough money to get a chance to feed him.