Samhain

It’s Samhain today. I had Actual Plans. I was going to do Rituals. I was going to decorate my altar and mark the day properly, perhaps with some sort of ancestor rite too, as well as other Significant Sabbat-y Things. But my body has thrown all those plans aside and decided it’s the appropriate day to begin menstruating. -_-

So there will be no rituals. I just don’t feel up to it, and anyway, Aset/Isis doesn’t like me touching Her things when I’m bleeding, so I’ll refrain for now. But the one thing I did want to do, which was to commit to veiling fulltime as much as feasibly possible, between now and Yule, I think is still possible. Just not in a full-blown Proper Ritual sort of thing.

There are other things I can do, though, and perhaps in a week or so when I’m done, I might do what I planned to do. We’ll see. But at least I can do the veiling thing.

I want to do it between Samhain and Yule because, well, for me, it’s always been something of a time of deep introspection for me, and it feels like the right time to begin this experiment. I’ve been veiling on and off for a while now, but I want to do it fulltime now and really work through why I want to do this and what veiling means for me. I want to experiment with different kinds of head coverings and hats and such things to see what works for me and my style of dress. Maybe acquire a Special Beanie or something instead of always using scarves. IDK.

As a genderqueer pagan who kind of half-dresses like a boy most of the time, I’m trying to find a style that’s true to my identity but also works for the right purpose. If it’s too feminine, it’s unlikely to work for me. If it’s something that I’m not entitled to use, I won’t use it. So that’s part of this experimentation too, to find a style that works for me that I can wear all the time that is still meaningful to me and my Gods.

At Yule, I’ll decide whether it’s something I want to commit to, and if so, I’ll do some sort of formal ritual to cement that commitment for Isis and Hekate. They’re the ones who suggested I veil for Them, and for myself. That’s the plan, at any rate. It was suggested to me so I would spend all this time properly considering why I might want to do it and how, so that if I decide to do it fulltime, I’d know why, instead of just saying ‘My Gods told me to do it’ and having no other idea why. I need more than that. That sort of blind faith doesn’t work for me. So I need to think and experiment and sort things out for myself before I commit to anything that’s suggested to me.

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