There’s something to be said for the power of de-cluttering. I’ve been slowly starting to go through my accumulated mass of possessions in a bid to get rid of things I no longer need. I’ve done clean-outs before, but I feel this one needs to be much more significant, because I’ve run out of room, and I can’t just rearrange a few things and throw out a bag of rubbish.
I don’t find it surprising that this has come at the same time that I’ve stripped back my practice to the bare essentials. In some ways, it’s sort of a symptom of it. I’ve spent the last week or so thinking about my practice, and what I really need to focus on. What’s important, what needs t be let go. So with religion, as with real life. So things are being let go of, and either passed on to op shops, or thrown out.
I also think this is a significant change because I think now is the time where there is more of a requirement/necessity/obligation to focus my path solely on Sobek and the work I am meant to do for Him. It didn’t matter a couple of years ago, because I was exploring, experimenting, and learning things I needed to learn. But I’m His, and this is where the work really begins. And so my practice must duly be focussed on Him.
I don’t see this necessarily as a bad thing. I think sometimes in my wanderings, I think I felt I was a little too carefree, and without any sort of obligation to really do anything. I wasn’t being held to anything, either, but that’s not true anymore. So I’m hoping the wanderings will at least calm down a little, and perhaps be less frequent, or at least, less active. I am to write for Sobek, and so I will write.
I’ve also decided that it’s time to let the Kemetic calendar go. While it’s been good working through it, and celebrating the festivals, I’ve got to that point where I just can’t reconcile the seasonal differences any longer. My four seasons just will not work with the Kemetic three seasons. Never have, never will. Part of why I began looking into druidry in the first place was to become better connected to the land around me, and what I’ve discovered is that I just can’t make it work anymore. I’ve tried for nigh on a decade, but it’s just not meant to be. I’m tired of trying to make it work, of trying to shove a square peg through a triangular hole.
I think this is why the Wheel of the Year still attracts me. It resonates with me far better than the Kemetic calendar does. My seasons are encoded in it, and that’s always been important to me. Even now, when I think about how I really divide up the year, it’s by the solstices and equinoxes. They are the important seasonal markers to me, and the Kemetic calendar doesn’t use them.
There’s also the small matter of the fact that I don’t have any major Sobek festivals, if any have even survived to present day, if they existed at all. And if this path is going to focus on Sobek for the most part, I’m going to need more than a small handful of feast days. Which means I might just have to create my own bloody festivals. Honouring Sobek is more important than being a strict recon and trying to recreate the old religion. That isn’t part of the work I’m being asked to do, and I won’t apologise for it.
It’s also partly because there just isn’t enough information that still exists, has been documented, and is accessible to me in a language I can read. Not about Sobek, there isn’t. I feel like I’ve trawled through every academic database I have access to, and I’ve got everything on Sobek I can possibly find. There’s nothing else. Sobek isn’t much of a popular research topic, it seems, so I feel like I’ve been left with an assorted collection of scraps of papyrus, none of which go together completely, and the ink’s half faded off, anyway, so I don’t have a complete anything to work from. Which is why I rely more heavily on UPG than I would if, say, my primary deity was Isis or Wesir or Ra or Amun or Hethert or Yinepu. I just don’t have anything else.
I just feel like I’ve exhausted all the academic materials that exist that I can access, and there’s nothing more I can get out of them. So I’m left with my own experiences and intuition now. I can’t recreate Sobek’s cult without creating modern things for Him. There are just too many gaps that I don’t have the capacity to fill.
And while I feel sort of like I’m ranting, and sort of trying to pay out recons, I’m really not. I’m reflecting on my own experiences and practice, and in this time of sorting out what’s needed, and what’s no longer useful, reconstructionism has done all it can for me now. It may still be a useful methodology for others, but there’s nothing more to be gained by it for me at the moment. Perhaps in five years, there’ll be more to work with, but I’m not holding my hopes out. At some point, you need to draw a line and move forward on your own.
I’ve been getting a feeling now that my room should be a temple, that I ought to dedicate it to the work that’s being asked of me, and focus on that. Sobek wants a library, as well, a shrine in a room full of books. While I still only have one room for myself, it will have to serve as temple and library and bedroom, but that’s alright. I’ve been sleeping in the presence of my gods for thirteen years. To stop now would feel very strange indeed. I like having Them close to me. I feel we can protect each other better.
This is what I’ll be spending the summer doing. I’ll be cleaning and de-cluttering, I’ll be redoing my room entirely, and in the process, figuring out my path in such a way that I can do the work Sobek wants me to do, and mark the seasons in a way that works best for me. Because I think the general polytheism I practised was alright before Sobek called me to be His scribe, but I have work and responsibilities to Him now, and general polytheism just won’t work now. So that’s where things are with me right now.