ok I’m an idiot

So I’ve been neglecting my religious stuff for most of the past 12 months or so, bc I’ll be honest, I thought I had just crashed after redoing the bedroom and then got Obsessed with Fandom Stuff and thought I was just On A Break.

Nope. Turns out the big problem was one I just didn’t see, and that was that I’d set up my Sobek shrine wrong. I made it pretty, rather than functional, and I need a shrine to be functional or I don’t use it. And it has legit taken me a year to realise how much I’d fucked it up. That the way I thought I was going to use it turned out to be completely wrong for the way I work. So of coruse nothing ever stuck because I didn’t see how it wasn’t working for me.

Also, I didn’t realise how much I needed daily rituals until I stopped doing them. I mean, I meditated for 45 minutes tonight, and I kept a fairly good focus on Sobek as He repeatedly poured sea water over my head (I am terrible at cleansing, apparently, so I need to start working on that). I haven’t had focus like that for about a year, I think. Maybe less than that, but that feels about right. Like, I’d try to go to Bakhu, and get maybe five mins in and lose focus entirely. That was just my life. I didn’t realise what I was missing was the ritual aspect of it.

I think I have been complicating my practice for a very long time, if I’m honest. Trying to do things that I probably didn’t need to do. All I need to do is go to shrine every night. Doesn’t matter if I use a ritual script. Doesn’t matter if I speak or just say it in my head. Just turn up and be present. That’s all I need to do. Everything else is a bonus. I’d forgotten that. I’d forgotten the peace that comes from standing before my shrine, and really being able to feel the energy from it because it’s a living shrine, rather than a shelf for statues to sit and look pretty.

There’s a lot that He said that I’m still processing, but that’s where I am right now.

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State of the Shrines 2019

Okay, so before I start, I do want to say that this is the first time I’ve taken down shrines for this for privacy/oathbound reasons. I took down my Sau shrines, and I’ve removed some things from Hermes’ shrine bc they are sekrit and I don’t want to share them. So the bedroom overviews you’ll see are not quite how they are irl bc some shrines are gone, but that’s the basic plan of it. I feel like I’ve really focused down on only having shrines up that I’m actually using, so it’s a lot less now than what I used to have, but I’m happy with it. My focus this year is really just about magical practice and Quan Yin practice, so it does make it easier to maintain my shrines that way when I don’t need so many of them.

Wep Ronpet this year though was a bit of a wipe out. I had menstruation to deal with, which meant my statue washing and preparations were thrown off schedule, and I had a migraine that also delayed me doing anything in terms of ritual, so nothing really happened. But I did get my statues washed, which was good. I usually do all of them if I have time, but this time, I just did my Sobek shrine statues, and gave them all a good wash, as well as cleaning all the shrines.

But that’s life, really, so. I’ll give you the bedroom overview pics first, then we’ll dive into the shrine tours. ❤

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Hekate’s Deipnon, January 2019

First proper ritual in a long time, but a good one. I was a little underprepared, if only because I’d been beset by a migraine the day before, but I eventually remembered where I keep all my usual deipnon offerings and it went well. Had a lovely little meditation with Hekate, and I wasn’t sure if I’d get through to Her, but She was there with me on the beach, and we’re all ready to do witchcraft together this year. I think I’m ready in a way I wasn’t ready for a long time, so. That’s good.

I’m going to be doing a moon of devotion for Her until next deipnon in February, just to kick off my year with Her in a gentle way. I felt like it was a good way to ease myself into Wep Ronpet preparations, too, to help clear the air and work with Her on anything that needs to be gone. I’m not going to go too much more into the rite tonight, but it was a good one, and I’m glad I made time for it. I’ll give you a short little taster of my Hekate altar below and my deipnon offerings. Everything’s moved around, and it’ll be a big State of the Shrines post coming up after Wep Ronpet so you can see how I’ve changed my room.

Hi hello you remember me right?

Hi, yes, hello, it’s been a while. I finished my bedroom and then kinda just collapsed in a pit of exhaustion, both physical and mental, I think. I hesitate to say the last six months have been fallow time, because that makes it sound like I’ve been barren and unproductive, and that’s absolutely not the case. I kept up my daily meditation practice in the mornings, and I did a few rituals and other little bits, but for the most part, I wrote. I got smacked by the Muses with a shiny new fandom, and I wrote. So much writing. Nearly 140k in six months writing. It took over my entire life. So I don’t really want to call it fallow time, because I was being hugely creative, and writing poetry for the first time. I’ve done hymns and prayers before, but to me, they’re a different sort of skillset to poetry, and in particular, narrative poetry. But the verse just kept pouring out of me, and so I kept writing.

But even though I haven’t been practicing, I have been thinking about it. I particularly think about in December, when all the new planners come out and it’s getting closer to Wep Ronpet. I wanted to do something to rebuild my practice again in the new year, but I now recognise that one of the big challenges I face is that I see my ideal practice as containing everything, which is fine if you don’t have things you should be prioritising, but I do. And I think it’s time to give myself permission to just focus on the magical work I really need to be doing, like my Sau work, and bolster that with a few other things, and some witchcraft, and not worry about trying to do All The Rites To All The Gods. I think I get too caught up in that mindset, when really I just need to be a student and focus on the work I need to do. I’m not going to improve if I keep making endless schedules of rites to do that I don’t stick to. I have other work to do, and other skills I need to spend time on.

I was initially going to pack away my hearth shrine completely, but I’ve just scaled it down for now. You’ll see the final room, and all the shrines as they stand now, when I do State of the Shrines again at Wep Ronpet, because I feel ready to show that at last. I plan to start January doing a moon of devotion for Hekate, just to start and end the year, because that just seems appropriate, but whether that continues and I get back into my deipnon practice, we’ll see. Other than that, there are no other solid plans, apart from my magical work, and I don’t know if I’ll be posting here much, since that’s all oathbound. I don’t know how much of my shrines you’ll see either, since I don’t like showing my Sau shrine. I may not include it in the State of the Shrines, I’ll see how it feels when I get around to documenting all of that. But I did want to at least post here and let you all know I’m still alive.

Also, one final note. I’m not going back to tumblr. I haven’t decided if I’ll delete my accounts, or just leave them for posterity. They’re backed up on WP, though. I just don’t find tumblr to be conducive to my brain, nor does it feel like it helps to maintain ma’at, and I don’t want that energy in my life anymore. Also I dropped off discord bc it updated itself and broke Win10 so hard I had to uninstall it. The main places you can find me these days are twitter and dreamwidth. Feel free to follow me or friend me at either place, bc I post much more often there.

Bedroom Shrines Update #2

Since my last State of the Shrines post has been making the rounds on tumblr recently, I thought I’d post some more photos of what I’ve done in my room now. I’ve got most of the work done, bar one Ivar shelf in the corner, and the bookshelves over the bed, and hanging a few final pieces (like picture frames etc), and then it’ll be done. So this isn’t an official State of the Shrines for 2018 yet, but it’s progress. I’ll do a proper one once everything’s done, bc there are a few shrines I’m planning for the bookshelves so it’s not done until they’re up there.

Be aware that everything is still a work in progress, and I’m still figuring out how I want everything to be, so things may not stay this way as I finish everything off, but it’s working for now. I may still decide to redo things, or change things around, and I’m still sorting out how I want the altar by the window to function, since both Mary and Aphrodite’s shrines are going to be on the bookshelves. So we’ll see how that one settles in. So yeah, there are a few odd statues that are just hanging around, not quite in the right place yet, but for the most part, it’s working for me.

I have a lot of photos, so bear with me, but see under the cut for what I’ve got so far. ❤

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Lord of the Carnelian Temple is now published!

After almost a year of hard work, and some wonderful amazing contributors, we have finally got the Sobek Devotional published! ❤

It is now available to purchase here: https://neosalexandria.org/bibliotheca-alexandrina/current-titles/devotionals/lord-of-the-carnelian-temple-a-devotional-in-honor-of-sobek/

Please go and support this amazing book, and see what a wonderful devotional we’ve created for Sobek. ❤

Share this far and wide, and spread this to any Sobek devotees you know. ❤

Dua Sobek! Nekhtet! 😀

Progress on the new room

So I’ve been redoing my bedroom for the past idk how long. It’s been a slower process this time than the last time I did this, mostly bc I am broke and it takes a long time to save when you are broke. But it is closer to being done now. All the painting is done, and now we just need to finish the new desk, work out the wall shelves, and finish up modding the Ivar, and then it’ll be done.

So I thought I’d share some photos of what I’ve got so far, so you can get an idea of what it’s going to look like when it’s finally completed. I’ll do a proper State of the Shrines post then, but for now, have some photos. ❤

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Water Purifications

In Quanyin practice on Friday, Quanyin suggested we should do water purifications over the weekend, and as the dark moon is tonight, that seemed entirely appropriate. I had planned to write a specific ritual for this purpose, but in the end, I adlibbed it. Sekhmet was an adlib, too, but I saw Her statue there on the windowsill in the bathroom, and She wanted to be included. So in its own way, I managed to purify with water, salt, incense, and fire (we have solar hot water). I could very much feel Their presence as I stood before Them, and I let my intuition guide me about how to make it work, and what I wanted to do.

I did the formal ritual stuff first, then got in the shower, where there was a moment where Sobek, Sekhmet, and Bast were all pouring water over my head. I finished it off with a salt scrub.

I want to do a longer write-up of this later, but I wanted to record this little bit while it’s fresh in my mind. Now I can go and do the deipnon. ❤