ok I’m an idiot

So I’ve been neglecting my religious stuff for most of the past 12 months or so, bc I’ll be honest, I thought I had just crashed after redoing the bedroom and then got Obsessed with Fandom Stuff and thought I was just On A Break.

Nope. Turns out the big problem was one I just didn’t see, and that was that I’d set up my Sobek shrine wrong. I made it pretty, rather than functional, and I need a shrine to be functional or I don’t use it. And it has legit taken me a year to realise how much I’d fucked it up. That the way I thought I was going to use it turned out to be completely wrong for the way I work. So of coruse nothing ever stuck because I didn’t see how it wasn’t working for me.

Also, I didn’t realise how much I needed daily rituals until I stopped doing them. I mean, I meditated for 45 minutes tonight, and I kept a fairly good focus on Sobek as He repeatedly poured sea water over my head (I am terrible at cleansing, apparently, so I need to start working on that). I haven’t had focus like that for about a year, I think. Maybe less than that, but that feels about right. Like, I’d try to go to Bakhu, and get maybe five mins in and lose focus entirely. That was just my life. I didn’t realise what I was missing was the ritual aspect of it.

I think I have been complicating my practice for a very long time, if I’m honest. Trying to do things that I probably didn’t need to do. All I need to do is go to shrine every night. Doesn’t matter if I use a ritual script. Doesn’t matter if I speak or just say it in my head. Just turn up and be present. That’s all I need to do. Everything else is a bonus. I’d forgotten that. I’d forgotten the peace that comes from standing before my shrine, and really being able to feel the energy from it because it’s a living shrine, rather than a shelf for statues to sit and look pretty.

There’s a lot that He said that I’m still processing, but that’s where I am right now.

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And that’s an un-wrap for another year

Wesir unwrapped for another year

And so the Mysteries are over for another year. It’s definitely felt different, and I feel like I spent more time preparing for now than marking the days, but perhaps that’s just what needed to be done. All my Wesirs are unwrapped now, and I let my big Wesir sit on the windowsill this morning to bathe in the sunlight and warm up. It’s lovely to see His face again after so long without it. I dressed His statue with frankincense oil as well, just for that extra touch.

I have a lot more to write about when it’s not 11pm, but I have got a new pair of daily rites done. The morning one is based on the basic rite in Eternal Egypt, though it’s modified for four gods, and for my own peculiarities. The evening rite is cobbled together from the structure of the evening ritual to Ra in the same book, and the Graeco-Egyptian Evening Rite I came up with years ago. I really like the hymns I came up with, and adapted them to a more Kemetic format. Both rites are about ten minutes long and I’m still working out a few kinks with them in terms of the practicalities of them, but they’re done, for now, unless I run into something I really need to change as I begin using them regularly. Which I never rule out. My rites always evolve as I use them, and some wording is stuck in my head now and won’t budge. Sometimes, the wording changes with recitation from what was originally written. But it’s okay. I can always tweak them as I get used to them.

Part of the reason I wanted to redo them is because the ones I had in my ritual book were Sobek and Heru’s, and when Isis and Wesir entered into my daily rites as well, I had Their parts scattered elsewhere, and I wanted to rewrite them in one place as one ritual. But it seems the gods wanted new ones, so that’s what I did. My old rites just didn’t seem adequate for a naos anymore. Too messy. The structure didn’t work. So I ended up redoing them. I’ve also made some votive offerings with some leftover clay. Once they’re dry, I’ll paint them up, and find somewhere to put them. I don’t know if I’ll keep them out all the time, but they’ll certainly come in handy when I need to use them and can’t offer real offerings. The wooden naos is under construction at the moment as well, using 12mm square Tasmanian oak dowling. I may not have time to finish it until the end of the week when I’m done with work, but that’s okay. I have my bodged together cardboard one to use for now.

I had planned to do some meditation as well, at least during the Night Vigil, but that didn’t happen. I didn’t even have the brain for deipnon and noumenia this month, so I might have to do a make-up sacrifice as penance. Not because I feel like I’ve done something wrong, but because I feel like I’ll feel out of kilter all month if I don’t do something for Them. But then it has been a very busy week, what with the High Day, the Mysteries, work, family, AND the deipnon and noumenia AND Mother’s Day. OH and I went out with my bff on Friday night for her birthday, so. I will be glad of some rest and for things to settle down a bit until Yule. This week has been far, FAR too hectic. D:

Anyway. Speaking of work, I have work tomorrow, and it’s late, and I need to go to bed. But I’ll post my new daily rites under the cut, in case anyone’s curious, and stick them under the House of Life section for posterity. And if you’re not interested, well, you can stop reading now, and it’s all good. Also, They asked for the formal write-up style. It wouldn’t have otherwise been my choice. But there you go. I think it’s a mind-shifting perspective thing idek. *handwaves and mutters, ‘gods’.*

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Apparently we are naos-ing again

A very bodged-together naos

This is a terrible angle because it’s from where I’m sitting down, and when I’m standing, I can’t see the underside of the top. Just pretend it’s white all over.

IDEK. I was sitting down this afternoon to rewrite my daily rites since the ones in my ritual book are just for Sobek and Heru, and now I have Isis and Wesir to add to those and it was getting annoying having to flick through mid-ritual to the right spot, rather than have it all written out in the one place. But as I’m working on that, and reworking it, I’m pondering a different set of rites entirely, and then I get the urge to make a naos out of a box that’s lying around, and suddenly, there it is.

If space and money weren’t an object, I’d just buy a cabinet and be done with it, but it’s a tricky spot and there isn’t much space, so this is what it is now. Apparently I need to be able to open/close the shrine more than I need anything aesthetically pretty at the moment, but I might bodge together a wooden version later on if I feel that’s a necessary next step. I may still switch things up as I work with it, and I may decide this is a terrible idea and make a wooden one sooner rather than later, but we’ll see.

It’s felt like a very busy week, and it probably has been. Today has been the only day of rest, I guess, that I’ve had, with the exception that I was out tonight with my bff for her birthday, and now I don’t have the energy or preparation for deipnon, so that’ll have to be done tomorrow. All I can brain about now is tonight’s feast for Wesir, that’s all I have the energy for at the moment. But that’s okay.

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Overdue update

I’ve been meaning to write in here for a while now, but I kept forgetting, or not having the time. It comes with working full time, I guess, though I won’t complain about working at all. Money is good, and a job is good, and I’m pretty sure Hermes had a hand in this somewhere along the line.

My practice is still going, though it’s pared down to just morning and evening devotions, as that’s really all I have the brain for right now. I’ve started washing Heru’s statue in the libation water this week, at His request. It doesn’t really change the ritual very much; I just sit His statue in a flat bowl and pour the libation over Him. He seems to appreciate it. He mentioned something about it washing away the isfet of the night for Him. If I were a better artist, I’d draw some of the images I’ve had during my commute meditations, but I’m just not that good. Not good enough to bring them to life, at any rate.

The only other thing of note is I picked up this tiny copper cauldron at the op shop I work at, and I’ve begun putting some of my change in there every day when I get home from work as an offering to Hermes for keeping me safe on my travels. This was His suggestion, and to use the money to buy Him an offering with it later, or whenever it feels appropriate. I might pick something up for Him on Sunday. I’m going to a local Pagan meet-up, and there is this ridiculous crystal/new age/paganish shop there that I might be able to find something in.

Anyway, I’m going to leave this here, since I am technically at work, and I have things to do today. Like make lots of phone calls. :D?

The Pagan Experience – Week 2 – Personal Practice

Wk 2- Jan. 12- Personal Practice- Share your favorite spiritual/magickal practices. What tools are incorporated into your daily practice? What feeds you and replenishes you?

My first answer is my daily rituals. Going to shrine first thing, when my head is still hazy with sleep, and saying the words I’ve said many times before, and feeling that call to awakeness, and tasting that first sip of water to break my fast, an offering to the gods. That moment of peace once I have offered light, water, the sound of bells, and incense, and just standing back in the silence. To feel that soft cool caress of the last vestiges of the night air on the breeze through my window as I stand before the shrine, and that liminal moment where the heat moves in and oppresses the chill. Feeling both Sobek’s farewell, and Heru’s return, in that soft, intermingling air. That moment of peace, knowing Set has triumphed, and Ra has survived another night.

And then, in the utter stillness of the late evening, when the house is silent, and the air is wonderfully cool on my skin, to be at shrine again, and calling to Sobek. Offering light, and water, and bells, and incense, into that silent peace. To offer precious water in the middle of summer, here in Australia, and understanding, much like the ancient Egyptians, just how precious it could be in a hot climate. Sobek’s coolness washes through the night, waves crashing over me, bringing peace and safety. I have watched the dancing candle flame reflected in the waters of the libation bowl, and felt the kiss of the gods upon my lips.

That daily cycle, breathing in and breathing out, the silence and stillness, is what replenishes me, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.