Sometimes, the cards have to tell you something three times before you understand what it is they’re trying to tell you. So it was with the omen I took during last night’s High Day ritual. I’ve been mulling over it, and I had a moment of clarity this afternoon when I realised what it was trying to say. The door that’s been closed, the path I can no longer retreat to, is Kemetic. In some ways, it’s a way to firmly keep my focus on my druidic studies, and commit to them. But it’s still an end of one path, and the beginning of another, and I didn’t realise I would even miss it until this evening, when I was writing up my omen notes.
I’ve been feeling that shift for months now, to be honest, but never knew how to articulate it or understand what it was. And now that I know, that’s when it begins to hurt. To miss what I’ve left behind, even though I’m not willing to leave what I’ve now established. This is home, and I didn’t know it until last night, when I sang words to that effect to Hermes. I’ll never stop being Sobek and Heru’s priest, of course. They wouldn’t have made me Their priest if I was just going to leave Them behind. But the rest of those relationships with Egyptian gods have fallen away and we’ve drifted apart. I no longer default to those gods anymore. I default to the Greeks. Which is strange to think about. But there you go. I think this has been in the works for years, but I’m sure Sobek has His reasons for taking me in this particular direction.
I feel like I’ve drifted, or moved, so far from Egypt. It feels like a distant place, far from where I am now. The gods feel unfamiliar, with the exception of Sobek, Heru, Isis, and Wesir, and strange. And I’ve definitely changed, it’s definitely not them. I’ve been calling myself a polytheist, rather than a Kemetic, for a few years now, because any sort of cultural affiliation always seemed hollow and narrowly defined. That, and I don’t work within one single cultural pantheon, so. This just seems to be my place now.
It also helps to reinforce, for me, that sense of foreign gods in a foreign land, that feeling of not being from there, and having to get to know things and how they work all over again. I’ve always felt that to a certain extent, but it’s more explicit now. At least, it feels that way. It may just be a way to shift me into that mindset that’s better suited to connecting with nature spirits and the environment and whatnot, but we’ll see. We’ll see where this new path takes me, and what new relationships I’ll form along the way. I’m sad to leave one thing behind, but this new path feels so right I can’t imagine it not being there. I fell in love with Hekate, with Hermes, with Artemis and Hestia. These gods embraced me and adopted me, even though I felt like I was a stranger to Them. They are my gods now. For how long, I don’t know. But I’ll enjoy the ride while it lasts.