ok I’m an idiot

So I’ve been neglecting my religious stuff for most of the past 12 months or so, bc I’ll be honest, I thought I had just crashed after redoing the bedroom and then got Obsessed with Fandom Stuff and thought I was just On A Break.

Nope. Turns out the big problem was one I just didn’t see, and that was that I’d set up my Sobek shrine wrong. I made it pretty, rather than functional, and I need a shrine to be functional or I don’t use it. And it has legit taken me a year to realise how much I’d fucked it up. That the way I thought I was going to use it turned out to be completely wrong for the way I work. So of coruse nothing ever stuck because I didn’t see how it wasn’t working for me.

Also, I didn’t realise how much I needed daily rituals until I stopped doing them. I mean, I meditated for 45 minutes tonight, and I kept a fairly good focus on Sobek as He repeatedly poured sea water over my head (I am terrible at cleansing, apparently, so I need to start working on that). I haven’t had focus like that for about a year, I think. Maybe less than that, but that feels about right. Like, I’d try to go to Bakhu, and get maybe five mins in and lose focus entirely. That was just my life. I didn’t realise what I was missing was the ritual aspect of it.

I think I have been complicating my practice for a very long time, if I’m honest. Trying to do things that I probably didn’t need to do. All I need to do is go to shrine every night. Doesn’t matter if I use a ritual script. Doesn’t matter if I speak or just say it in my head. Just turn up and be present. That’s all I need to do. Everything else is a bonus. I’d forgotten that. I’d forgotten the peace that comes from standing before my shrine, and really being able to feel the energy from it because it’s a living shrine, rather than a shelf for statues to sit and look pretty.

There’s a lot that He said that I’m still processing, but that’s where I am right now.

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