It’s fallow time again

I can feel it, for the most part. The gods are off doing god things, and I’m left with my own thoughts for a while. I usually feel some sort of pause before the Mysteries, so this isn’t exactly surprising. But I feel like it’s properly set in now. All I feel like I’m being asked to do is just keep doing the rituals, and take care of yourself. So I guess it’s not proper fallow time where nothing happens, but it’s time for myself. Knowing what might be coming for the Mysteries, it feels like that period of isolation before an initiation, where you’re left alone to really decide whether it’s for you. That’s what this one feels like.

That it coincides with noumenia, and with that other time of the month, is, I suspect, a coincidence, but it seems to be an appropriate time for it anyway. It’s weird, feeling like I could go to Bakhu and meditate, but it’d just be for me. The gods aren’t there at the moment. They will return, I know that much, but it’s a quiet place now. It’s very empty. I may still go there, just to keep my connection with it, but it’s not a high priority at the moment. Self-care, and reflection, those matter now.

I did a reading during noumenia last night using my Wildwood Tarot deck, and I pulled The Shaman and The Wanderer. I might ponder those cards over the next three weeks, even though I find the whole ‘shamanism’ concept in modern Paganism problematic. It’s the sense of delving deeper, I think, and being ready to move forward, I think that’s important. I may share some of those thoughts here, or I might just throw them into my private journals. I don’t know. But I’m looking forward to it, anyway. Which may sound weird to some of you, but I am an introvert, and having space to myself, without having to worry about the gods, is very much appreciated. I am all for the fallow time.

Happy Solstice!

Solstice offering to Heru-sa-Aset that used up the last of my gold paint gdi. Depicts the Eye of Heru. NGL, resisted the urge to give it feet as well as arms.

Solstice offering to Heru-sa-Aset that used up the last of my gold paint gdi. Depicts the Eye of Heru. NGL, resisted the urge to give it feet as well as arms. Shorthand glyphs in the top left corner represent ‘Heru, Lord of the Two Lands’. I think you can figure out an ankh and an infinity symbol.

I shouldn’t feel like Solstice crept up on me, because I knew last week I needed to prepare, and I did fuck all, because I am clever, and did everything at the last minute like I normally do. IDK why I pretend I can actually prepare in advance anymore. But anyway. Solstice happened. Got my rituals done. Feeling good about all that. There’s a soft lingering scent in the air, too; incense I burn doesn’t usually stick around this long, but it’s nice. I’m taking that as a sign that the gods accepted the rite and the offerings.

The solstice was meant to happen at about 7am today (WAST, on the 22nd), which I promptly slept through (because who wants to get up at 7am for a long ritual? Not me!). But I’d decided to do my rituals during the day, rather than at night, so I spent last night preparing. Got the shrine all set up, picked out the offerings, did a painting (see above), etc. The plan was to do the ritual almost first thing, but I woke with a migraine, so fuck that. There was house cleaning and shopping for Christmas to do anyway, so I didn’t get around to it until about 4pm, in which I hurriedly wrote out my offering hymn and statement of purpose before I got started. But that’s alright. It went fine, though I think I did rush it a little. I need to remember to slow down when I’m doing ritual.

Also, I really, really need to get around to posting the Kemetic ADF style ritual structure I use, because I think I said that I’d do that last Solstice, and I haven’t, so. I’ll also post the two Solstice hymns I’ve written, since they’re kinda cool, and I like them anyway.

Have a cut, because rambly post is a bit rambly, and not entirely on-topic.

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I just need to breathe

Life, hey? I’ve been seriously busy these past few weeks and it’s thrown out many of my plans for posting here. Kept drafting them and then deleting them, or being too tired to think about what to write at all. I don’t mind, of course, because surprise visits by my brother and his family are always great, even if they drain my introvert spoons quite a lot.

I mean, even today, I had wanted to spend most of it writing. Instead, I spent the morning building IKEA furniture, and then part of the afternoon organising and rearranging and putting things away and tidying and rearranging shrine things. I mean, srsly, I didn’t even get time to do my morning devotions, and I didn’t turn on my computer until 3pm. Go me!

I mean, it’s great, because things are much better organised now, and it was work that needed doing. But, man, I had a Hallowe’en fic due today(ish) that I need to finish, and that hasn’t happened yet. Brain needs time to settle before I can get around to that.

I had all these grand plans for a nice shiny dedicated launch of my Etsy shop, Shedety Scriptorium, but that hasn’t happened yet, because busy! and not enough brain to make it happen. But hey, there are a few things up there already, and I won’t complain if you buy them, either. :D? I still have a few things I need to add up there, too. Some I’ve taken photos of, others I still need to photograph. They haven’t gone up yet because, well, see above. But yes, I have a shop now, because scribe, and books, and prayer beads and whatnot. Plz go and take them off my hands so I have room to make moar things!

Under the cut:

– Sobek things

– All the shrine update photos etc.

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Cosmology and Practice

Apologies for the radio silence of late. I’ve been working, and I’ve been sick, and I haven’t had enough mental energy to think of anything substantial to update about. I do have some things I do need to post about, but they’re not quite ready yet. In the meantime, this is a post about cosmology and how it relates to my practice. I wrote it for the Kemetic study group formed over at The Cauldron, and I’m posting it here for posterity, and so others can have a read of it.

Usual caveats that I’m not a reconstructionist, and this is just my weird way of making things work apply. Definitely not a scholarly piece by any stretch of the imagination. This is ~4k words of anecdata. Treat it as such.

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Epithets of Sobek

So I finally got my hands on Marco Zecchi’s Sobek of Shedet book (thank you, Book Depository!), and I’ve spent the afternoon reading through it and taking notes. I’ll rifle through it again (and again) as I go back and rewrite my page on the history of Sobek, because man, I now have A LOT more information about Sobek’s cult than I did yesterday, so. It’s a lot to take in. It’s not every day you get 200 pages just about Sobek. ❤

Anyway, I’ve put up a list of His epithets on a shiny new page here, along with the first page of translated epithets from the LAGG. Go and marvel. Two of my favourites are ‘the beautiful calf before the great flood’, and He ‘who cuts through the sky with His double-feathered crown’. N’aww. ❤

Zecchi’s book is a really good read, too. IDK if it’s just a quirk of how he writes, but he talks about the gods as if they’re real beings, like Sobek of Sumenu preferring to be associated with Ra., whereas Sobek of Shedet preferred the association with Heru. It’s that inclusion of the relationship between priests and gods, kings and gods, and not just focussed on what humans did to worship the god. And he goes into the personality of Sobek quite well, and shows how it changed over the years. Sobek never feels like a dry academic concept of a god; Zecchi manages to bring Him to life in the way He writes about Him. Is it passion? IDK. But there’s life in Zecchi’s writing about Sobek that I don’t often see in Egyptological papers. Like I said, might be a quirk of his writing style, but I like it.

At least I’m beginning to understand why my Sobek and Heru are so close, and why I feel it’s so important to finish this Sobekian-Wesirian myth cycle. That was actually a Thing back then, though I think my version is very much my own. My Sobek isn’t Heru, but watches over Him instead. But then again, if I try to think about Sobek-Heru as a single god, my head begins to hurt. Ow. I like my practice the way it is right now without confusing it with syncretic gods. XD

Artemis and Other Things

General caveat: This post is pretty much meditational logs and UPG and other assorted ~woo~ things. If you’re not interested, just skip back to the pretty shrine pictures. ❤

Specific caveat: There is discussion here about meditational things I experienced while doing the Pillars of the Naos devotions last month (March 2014), as part of the Covenant of Hekate, including the things found during the last week of meditations. If you’re currently doing the devotions, I’d avoid reading this post until you’re finished with the month-long devotions, to avoid spoilers and whatnot. Which is why it’s all under a cut, so you can’t read it unless you click through. Your choice.

And now that’s out of the way, read past the cut for epic Artemis things, and other assorted updates regarding myths, and Heru, and other things.

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On Being Pagan and Energy-Blind

I feel like I’ve written about this before somewhere, but I can’t find it if it exists at all, so you’ll just have to read about it again, because it’s on my mind. I feel like I might have discussed this in a broader post about magic, but I can’t be sure. In any case, have another post on it. I feel like this is kind of related to the whole godphone/lack of godphone thing, but not really the same thing? I think it’s all the godphone discussion lately that’s made me think about this, and all the work I’ve been doing with elements and whatnot.

I’m also going to post this one, and not just spend hours writing things like this, and then not posting them because reasons. I am terrible at that. I chicken out of posting things all the time, and I feel bad about it. I feel like I shouldn’t be censoring my own blog (except if it concerns stuff I legit can’t talk about). I know I need to work on this. But anyway. I digress.

Firstly, I can’t really do anything these days without Defining My Terms (thank you, Arts degree), so for the purposes of this discussion, I’m using ‘energy-blind’ to mean someone who doesn’t sense energy, or who can’t really feel it around them in a way that others are able to do. ‘Energy’ being not just elemental or magical stuff, but also gods and spirits etc. I don’t know if ‘energy-blind’ is the best way to describe this concept, but it’s what I’ll use. If you know of a better word, I’m all for it.

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De-Cluttering

There’s something to be said for the power of de-cluttering. I’ve been slowly starting to go through my accumulated mass of possessions in a bid to get rid of things I no longer need. I’ve done clean-outs before, but I feel this one needs to be much more significant, because I’ve run out of room, and I can’t just rearrange a few things and throw out a bag of rubbish.

I don’t find it surprising that this has come at the same time that I’ve stripped back my practice to the bare essentials. In some ways, it’s sort of a symptom of it. I’ve spent the last week or so thinking about my practice, and what I really need to focus on. What’s important, what needs t be let go. So with religion, as with real life. So things are being let go of, and either passed on to op shops, or thrown out.

I also think this is a significant change because I think now is the time where there is more of a requirement/necessity/obligation to focus my path solely on Sobek and the work I am meant to do for Him. It didn’t matter a couple of years ago, because I was exploring, experimenting, and learning things I needed to learn. But I’m His, and this is where the work really begins. And so my practice must duly be focussed on Him.

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Hymns for Sobek and Heru

I’ve started keeping a little 6inx8in sketchbook as a devotional art/prayer book thing for Heru and Sobek. It’s a smaller Strathmore journal, like the one I’m using for my epic big calendar thing, though it’s just bog standard sketching paper rather than Bristol board. I picked it over other journals because the cover has a pattern on it that reminds me of crocodile skin. It seemed appropriate. 😛

Art had been pouring out of me lately, as well as writing, so I’m taking this as a good sign that the Muses have been about lately, giving me Their gifts. That, and I’ve finally got over the burnout from writing ~60k that Harlequin fic in three weeks back in April or sommat. o.O? *collapses* Or, IDK, perhaps doing all those SDF rites has awoken up all my artistic creativity or something? *MAKES ALL THE ARTZ!*

But that’s for another post, I think. It’s a bit late to get a couple of pages scanned in, but I’ve filled about fourteen pages in about a week, with both art and writings. Been pondering Solstice!Heru as well, and getting some Heruakhety vibes. I’ve been connecting better with Heru lately, as well, since I was going to honour Him at Solstice and whatnot. Like, actually feeling Heru’s presence, slight and subtle that it is. More than once. And knowing it’s really Him. It’s like I finally found the right frequency, and He’s been coming in strong at last. So clearly I’m getting somewhere!

(I feel like I should make some sort of snide comment about how this wouldn’t be a problem if there weren’t +ELEBENTY different Herus to deal with, but…)

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Late Night Thoughts

I’ve wanted to post here for weeks, but I just haven’t had the inspiration. It’s partly due to uni taking over most of my brain’s capacity to think, which leaves me with less capacity to think about religion. Which is why I’m behind on my Kemetic Round Table posts. And my Pagan Blog Project posts. That, and the fact I’ve been dealing with two big bang novellas since IDK January and my brain is, like, totally stuffed full, and there is no room for other things.

Such is mundane modern life, of course, though that is not an excuse.

That said, I have been keeping up with everyone else’s blogs that I’m following, and it has given me some pause for thought, though I hardly think I’ll write anything myself, as I feel like it’s already been said ten times before and better than I could manage. The posts about community, and the recent KRT ones about daily life, they’ve been on my mind the most.

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