I can feel it, for the most part. The gods are off doing god things, and I’m left with my own thoughts for a while. I usually feel some sort of pause before the Mysteries, so this isn’t exactly surprising. But I feel like it’s properly set in now. All I feel like I’m being asked to do is just keep doing the rituals, and take care of yourself. So I guess it’s not proper fallow time where nothing happens, but it’s time for myself. Knowing what might be coming for the Mysteries, it feels like that period of isolation before an initiation, where you’re left alone to really decide whether it’s for you. That’s what this one feels like.
That it coincides with noumenia, and with that other time of the month, is, I suspect, a coincidence, but it seems to be an appropriate time for it anyway. It’s weird, feeling like I could go to Bakhu and meditate, but it’d just be for me. The gods aren’t there at the moment. They will return, I know that much, but it’s a quiet place now. It’s very empty. I may still go there, just to keep my connection with it, but it’s not a high priority at the moment. Self-care, and reflection, those matter now.
I did a reading during noumenia last night using my Wildwood Tarot deck, and I pulled The Shaman and The Wanderer. I might ponder those cards over the next three weeks, even though I find the whole ‘shamanism’ concept in modern Paganism problematic. It’s the sense of delving deeper, I think, and being ready to move forward, I think that’s important. I may share some of those thoughts here, or I might just throw them into my private journals. I don’t know. But I’m looking forward to it, anyway. Which may sound weird to some of you, but I am an introvert, and having space to myself, without having to worry about the gods, is very much appreciated. I am all for the fallow time.