Trans Day of Remembrance 2015

Trans Day of Remembrance 2015//embedr.flickr.com/assets/client-code.js

Water, that they may be cooled.

Incense, that they may be bathed in the scent of the gods.

Flame, that the way may be lit for them.

May the gods and honoured ancestors lift them up,
May Seshat record their names.
May they rise to the heavens in peace.

May they be given a ka,
May they be given a ba,
May they know their true renu,

May they be pure,
May they be pure,
May they be pure,
May they be pure.

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Thorn. Again.

Well. I guess that’s the trans* elevation rite done for this year. I pulled Thorn yesterday when I checked my runes to see if I should do the elevation rite yesterday, and when I asked again today whether I should keep going and finish the rite during the next week, I pulled Thorn. Again. So.

I may still do something small for the Trans Day of Remembrance, but it’ll probably be fairly simple. Offering water, lighting incense, reciting the names, etc. But I won’t continue with the elevation rite.

I’d been contemplating it all day, and I had a niggling sense that I should probably stop. General purity issues aside, I just wasn’t sure it was worth continuing this particular ritual, for this particular set of ancestors, while I was menstruating. It felt potentially triggering to those spirits I was trying to help; whether this would be the case, I don’t know, but better safe than sorry.

I’ve moved the shrine to my ancestor shrine. I’ll do any TDOR stuff there. I’ll also check beforehand if they want me to do anything, just to be on the safe side. We’ll try again next year and see if my body behaves.

Skipping tonight’s elevation rite

Menstruation is a bitch. Turned up during the middle of the day. Because of course it did. Good thing I was prepared.

I’ve already closed up Sobek and Heru’s shrine for tonight. I won’t do my daily devotions tomorrow. It’s not a big deal. This is just one of those protocols we’ve developed. I don’t go to shrine on the first day of my period; it’s a self-care thing. After that, I don’t touch any statuary until I’m done bleeding. So no washing Heru’s statue. But it’s alright. It’s a way to manage it that means I can minimise the time I’m away from shrine and not break my daily devotion habits.

As for tonight, I consulted the runes to see if I should do tonight’s elevation rite. I use the Saxon runes, because Woden idk.

I first asked if I should do tonight’s ritual, and I drew Thorn. Definitely a ‘well, you could, I guess, but I’m not sure that’s such a great idea’ vibe. So that’s a no, then.

Then I asked if I should complete the nine days anyway, and I drew Rad. Bring it home, you can’t stop now. So that’s a yes, then.

I’ll check tomorrow to see if I should proceed or not or if they want me to wait another day. One way or another, all nine days will be completed. They just won’t be consecutive days. But that’s alright. It just means more writing time for me tonight. 😀

Trans Rite Day 1 + 2

Day 1 shrine, taken at the end of the rite.

First two days done. Nothing spectacular to report. Not overwhelmed. Not drowning. Just tired. But then it is Friday, and I am ready for my weekend, ngl. Also, I am being a bit more cautious in regards to cleansing and covering the shrine, so that might also be limiting it somewhat.

I’m using my desk for the shrine, because space, and not setting things on fire. I’m also packing it up a bit afterwards, so I can pull my curtains across without breaking things.

Pulling two cards from my WildWood tarot towards the end of the ritual. I’m asking some vague form of ‘are there any messages you wish for me to know?’ and seeing what comes up. Yesterday, it was the Knight of Arrows, and the Wanderer. Tonight, it was The Guardian … and the Wanderer. (I am taking a Hint. I don’t know what I’m taking it OF, but repeated cards, ey? That’s a thing.)

I’m doing most of my post-ritual babbling over on tumblr, because it seems easier than fiddling around here, and I want somewhere to record stuff for every night. I may copypaste it back here afterwards, or archive it here somehow, but we’ll see. Mostly I want to record the books I use each time, and the cards I draw, and anything else I find relevant that I want to get down immediately post-ritual.

Anyway. Tired. Need to write. It’s too godsdamn hot. *grumbles about the weather*

Trans Rite Preparations

Trans Rite of Elevation shrine

I’ve spent the last two days putting the shrine together. It’s sitting on my desk this year, rather than my ancestor shrine, because I am not keen on setting things on fire so. Not having use of my desk for nine days is hardly suffering in the grand scheme of things, and I have all the laptops anyway, so it’s not a problem. Of course, all the stuff that was on the tables and windowsill has been displaced, and it’s all over the rest of my room. But I like what I’ve done this year.

It’s a bit of an awkward spot, tbh, because of the curtains, so the photos will have to be laid down flat, and some of the other things moved out of the way, so I don’t wreck the shrine with my curtains. But I think I’m happier with this one. I might still tweak it a bit before I begin, but that’s basically it.

I got the bandannas, the brown pot, and the white taper candles at the back, from the op shop I work at. The rest is my own stuff. And I wanted to have my rainbow boa somewhere, so it’s hanging from my curtain rail. I’ve also got a bi pride bracelet thing (on the bottom right), because of course.

Anyway. BRB figuring out my ritual structure for the elevation, so I can start on time this year, rather than a day late. At this stage, the only prayers I’m thinking of using are the Lamentations I posted yesterday, and perhaps PSVL’s Antinous prayer I used last year. I will also try to record every day this year, rather than just two, like I did last year. Anyway. Expect lots of posting or something. IDK.

Trans Rite of Elevation

Well, I’ve got my shrine mostly organised. I did some planning at work today on the layout and positioning, and that’s mostly worked out. I’ll post some pics later, once it gets underway. I wanted to get it mostly organised before we’re due to begin on Thursday, because work, and I would not have the spoons to organise the shrine that night as well as put something together. At least now I can concentrate on finalising the liturgy I’ll be using.

Also, I have Made A Tumblr for the rite, since they’re tumblr-based, and I might as well join in there. Whether I use it after that remains to be seen. I have no love nor time for tumblr. And I will probably get around to setting up cross-posting so all my TDoE/TDoR stuff goes there. But if anyone cares, this is me: http://sobekemiti.tumblr.com/

Because I am original or something idk.

Anyway. I am way behind on my NaNoing, so I’m going to try to get even 1k done tonight, just so I don’t feel like I’ve been neglecting it for the past two days.

Trans* Rite – Day 6

Trans Rite Altar Day 6

Altar after five days of elevation. Today’s rite hasn’t been done yet.

 

I haven’t done today’s prayers yet, but I’ll do them later tonight when, hopefully, the epic. pain. from my uterus will cease enough for me to get through it without feeling like my guts are being stabbed. (The joys of menstruation. -_-) The rite itself has been, well, it’s been going. It’s certainly not ‘fun’ by any stretch of the imagination. It’s pour the water, read the prayers, raise the altar, pray for the dead, even if you’re tired, even if you don’t feel like it, like I did last night. I’ve had no real contact from the ancestors themselves, but I didn’t expect it, since I’m pretty headblind to them like I am with the gods. I can only assume the state of calm that comes over me when I do the rite is a good sign, and keep going. Do the work. Raise the ancestors. That’s the whole point of it. It’s never been about me, anyway.

I’m also postponing today’s rite because I realised last night that I’m going to have to rethink how I’m doing this so I can keep lifting the altar without potentially setting everything alight if I raise it too high. I think the simplest solution might be to just shift the central candle off the main altar and either to the centre or to the side, so I can keep lifting the altar with books without worrying about fire hazards, since the elevation is the most important part of the rite. I might put the snake representing Antinous there instead, so all the god images are together in the middle, and the candle can be off to the left side. Hmm. That might be the best option so I can keep things relatively safe, and still keep raising the altar. The joys of altars in confined spaces, kids! 😀

I also have this solidified idea for a Lamentations of Nit and Set for the Transgendered Dead that I am going to have to write at some point because otherwise I will be Nagged To Death by the gods about it, so. I might aim to have it ready for the last day of the rite, so I have some time to write and edit it and whatnot, so it’s not a rush job. Look for it on/after the 22nd, which will be the ninth day of the trans* rite for me.

Also, to come, long rambly post about gender and Sobek and Hekate and other rambly nonsense, unless, by the time I’ve written it, it feels more suited to my Dreamwidth journal, in which case, it’ll be over there (though probably access-locked, so if you have an account there and want to read it, lemme know). But if this rite, and the past two weeks have done anything, it’s given me many Thinky Thoughts about gender, and transitioning, and the gods (there is a connection here, I promise), and I am going to need to tl;dr it all over the internet at some point, whether it’s here or there, so. That’s a Thing.

Trans* Rite – Day 1

Shrine as a Whole

Ancestor shrine set up for the Trans* Rite of Ancestor Elevation. This is after the ritual tonight. Antinous is represented by the snake – there are also some pennies for the dead resting around the snake’s body; Seshat is represented by the book on the right at the back, where I’m recording all the names of the TDoR dead, or at least, as many as I can fit there. The shrine is sitting on top of my copy of the Book of the Dead. There are two cups with water, and the necklace Anubis is cradling is a trans* pride necklace with an ankh on it, which I found last week and decided I needed to have. I think the rest is self-explanatory? 

Wanted to get this written while it’s still fresh. Just done the first day’s rituals, albeit after midnight, but whatever. I find ancestor rites more powerful at night anyway. I decided to use one of PSVL’s prayers, the one to Antinous offered here, as well as a modified 70 Day prayers, and this one here. I also wrote an opening prayer/invocation, and an offering prayer. Apart from Antinous, I also invited Nit as bigendered Creatrix, Set as God of the Marginalised and Oppressed (His words; He wanted in when I was pondering Who to ask for help in this rite), and Wesir to join us, as well as Seshat, who remembers all the names, even if no one else does.

The ritual came together later than I had expected, because I kept fiddling around with the order of the prayers, and tweaking the wording to make it work. I offered to the trans* dead as a whole, like I do when I do my normal 6th Day festival ancestral rites, because I don’t seem to attract individual ancestors? Or, at least, that doesn’t appear to be part of how I’m going to work with them. So I just address them as a whole, and hope for the best.

I’ve actually never worked with Antinous before, but I just felt like He was the right god for this, along with Nit and Set. I can’t tell if He was there or not, but I think I probably got whacked by godsandancestors or something, because I cried basically the whole way through. There was definitely another presence there, even if I couldn’t tell who it was. I had an urge to rewrite the Lamentations of Aset and Nebthet for them to offer tomorrow, because obviously what this ritual needs is me crying as I try to read the words I’m meant to be saying while my glasses get all dirty from my tears.

I have a feeling that’s a weird connection that won’t make much sense to anyone else, but IDK, it’s Wesir’s death, and my UPG of Wesir as a trans* god, and bringing His body back together, to make Him whole, and strong, again. Heru avenging Him. Welcoming Him back in peace. The dead being referred to as Wesir. All that stuff. It gets all tangled up in my head, and I’m almost crying again, just thinking about it.

Anyway, it’s after 1am now, and bed is calling. Will check in with you later, internet. For now, my heart is heavy, but I feel glad I did it. May our trans* ancestors rest in peace. May Seshat remember their names for millions of years.