A Plan for the New Year

New Years Eve Senut shrine.

The process of shifting my brain back into working within a Kemetic Orthodox framework is slow, but progressing. It’s taking some adjustment, but it’s good so far. The biggest things I’ve learned so far is that a) daily Senut is far easier for my brain to handle if I give myself permission to do it at night, and b) I don’t have to keep writing rituals for everything, I can just make extra offerings during Senut if I feel like it.

It is making me happy though. Everything just feels right, like this is just what my ka needs right now. I’ve had some success in contacting Sobek and other gods as well, and making a little progress with my Sau work, so I’m feeling good about this now.

Reorientation and Transitions

This pair of Docs very much encapsulates my entire year. I don’t really go much into metaphors and whatnot, but this very much represents where I am now and how much I’ve changed and what I’ve left behind to get to this point, and where I am going next.

The context for why these Docs mean so much is that I’ve wanted a pair since I was 15 years old, but they were always too expensive, and I was never confident enough to feel I could wear them well either. But I was a confused queer kid who was shy and quiet at school and very slowly growing into myself, struggling without the words I needed to name myself correctly.

And now, at 36-and-11-1/2-months, I now own my first pair of Docs. Because, like everything in my life, I’m now ready for them.

I’m very much not the sort of person who does yearly Tarot draws, but if I’d done one this year, it might very well have shown me The Tower, because that’s very much been the energy that’s flowed through this whole year. Not just in terms of the world, but also in terms of me shedding a lot of things I’ve needed to shed, but didn’t have the push I needed to shed them until I was forced to do so.

My brain has been stressed in very intense ways this year that I’m very much still understanding. I’m even more certain that I’m autistic, though I’m not in a hurry to chase diagnosis bc it’s very much too expensive and out of reach here in my state. But it is helping me make sense of the how and why of myself, which has been useful. It’s making me look for better ways of dealing with stress, anxiety, and frustration that actually work and make me feel better.

I’ve rejoined the House of Netjer and Kemetic Orthodoxy as well. I’m a Shemsu again, and working my way through the beginner’s lessons again as I reaquaint myself with this religion again. I’m still trying to decide how I want my shrines to work now, and will post updates on that when I have things mostly settled down.

Maybe for some of you, you might think it can’t be that hard to reorient yourself to a similar flavour of Kemetic practice, but I haven’t been a shemsu for a decade now, and the House has changed a lot. I’m relearning a lot of things, and getting to know new people and new structures, and how things are working now. It’s very much A Lot to work through. Hence, reorientation, and the shift in calendar.

It’s getting my head around how to do things now and what routines and rituals are going to look like now. I’ve toyed for years with daily morning rituals, but I don’t know if I’m going to return to them. I have a feeling ten minutes of meditation is all I need, though I may ritualise it a little bit. This year has really drained my energy for morning ritual so I don’t know if I’ll do that now. So if I’m not doing that, then it comes down to what do I do instead, and that’s a question I’m still finding the answer to. I want to do Senut regularly, but not sure how regularly yet, nor when would be a good time. How I keep my shrines, and what I do at them, is also under review, as is Hekate’s place in things. She has stepped back for now, but I will come back to Her in February and see how things look then.

But there’s also been a significant reorientation in my life as well, given I went back to uni to become a librarian, and thus reorienting myself from a rando with a BA into someone with an actual profession. It hasn’t been easy, of course, because online study in the middle of a pandemic has not been easy for anyone, but somehow I got to the end of the year with mostly successes. I’ve also just completed my three weeks of library prac and came out of it feeling much more confident about my capacity to do this job now.

I fell in love, too, which wasn’t something I had anticipated or was looking for either. I’d been single for a very long time, and had accepted that. I was happy. And now I have a wonderful partner, even though they’re so far away from me in the UK. It’s hard. But somehow we’re still together. And I’m going to go see them when I can travel again, so I can hold them and kiss them and know for certain that they’re the one I’m going to marry.

Add to this a queer friend of mine sharing this video of Ivan Coyote, and a whole lotta stuff fell into place in my head, bc I finally felt I had the language to see what I’d spent most of my life trying to be. I’m still genderfluid, but butch was the missing piece. That’s what I’ve been trying to be since I was a kid, but without knowing the word for it. As I became more acquainted with queer culture, I learned about the word butch, but never felt it was mine, possibly because I assumed (incorrectly) that it was just a word that lesbians used, and as I’m bisexual, I dismissed it as Not Mine. But it is mine, and it fits now. I’ve finally grown into it. Those boots are proof of that.

My gender has evolved a lot this year, especially as I started buzzing my hair consistently and not just bc lockdown. That’s something I had been thinking of doing for a long time now, mostly in a priestly context, but never being brave enough to do it. What got me this time? My undercut grew out too long during lockdown to the point of borderline dysphoria so I buzzed it all off one night in April. I’ve had an undercut once since then. I just buzz it now. Also I’m now out to my brother as genderfluid and he’s on board with using they/them pronouns for me. ❤

So I’m in this strange place now where I’ve changed a lot, and where I was at the start of the year is very much not where I am now. But so much of this is good and necessary and things that I want that I can’t really be negative about it. Sometimes you do have to burn yourself into ashes to come out of it as who you really need to be. And rebirth is uncomfortable, and difficult, and you end up having to relearn things. It’s like buying a new pair of Docs, and knowing you’ll have to slowly break them in until they’re moulded to your feet. That’s where I am now, in a whole new place, with shoes I now need to grow into, and not really knowing where I’m going, but trusting that Sobek knows the way and will guide me where I need to go. So expect this to be a messy process over the next few months, while I settle into this new place. But I know this is where I need to be. I’m much happier here. Much more myself. I’m 37 in a couple of weeks, and very ready to see what life brings me next.

State of the Shrines 2020

So it’s that time of year again, and I’m doing my usual State of the Shrines update for this year. I posted a little short room tour to my youtube above, if you want to see how my room’s looking now and where all the shrines are in relation to each other. My window is on the east side of the house.

I really have a very simple set-up this year. I only have two active shrines: my Kemetic altar, and my Hellenic altar. I have a few more passive shrines, though, to Mary, Quan Yin, and Bast. So it’s very pared down right now, but I honestly am appreciating that a lot because I’m tired of having six different things going on. Now, I can focus on my Kemetic stuff, and do my Hellenic work for the full and dark moons, and keep that more household stuff going at the same time.

So, without further preamble, here are my current shrines in all their glory.

State of the Shrines 2019

Okay, so before I start, I do want to say that this is the first time I’ve taken down shrines for this for privacy/oathbound reasons. I took down my Sau shrines, and I’ve removed some things from Hermes’ shrine bc they are sekrit and I don’t want to share them. So the bedroom overviews you’ll see are not quite how they are irl bc some shrines are gone, but that’s the basic plan of it. I feel like I’ve really focused down on only having shrines up that I’m actually using, so it’s a lot less now than what I used to have, but I’m happy with it. My focus this year is really just about magical practice and Quan Yin practice, so it does make it easier to maintain my shrines that way when I don’t need so many of them.

Wep Ronpet this year though was a bit of a wipe out. I had menstruation to deal with, which meant my statue washing and preparations were thrown off schedule, and I had a migraine that also delayed me doing anything in terms of ritual, so nothing really happened. But I did get my statues washed, which was good. I usually do all of them if I have time, but this time, I just did my Sobek shrine statues, and gave them all a good wash, as well as cleaning all the shrines.

But that’s life, really, so. I’ll give you the bedroom overview pics first, then we’ll dive into the shrine tours. ❤

Hekate’s Deipnon, January 2019

First proper ritual in a long time, but a good one. I was a little underprepared, if only because I’d been beset by a migraine the day before, but I eventually remembered where I keep all my usual deipnon offerings and it went well. Had a lovely little meditation with Hekate, and I wasn’t sure if I’d get through to Her, but She was there with me on the beach, and we’re all ready to do witchcraft together this year. I think I’m ready in a way I wasn’t ready for a long time, so. That’s good.

I’m going to be doing a moon of devotion for Her until next deipnon in February, just to kick off my year with Her in a gentle way. I felt like it was a good way to ease myself into Wep Ronpet preparations, too, to help clear the air and work with Her on anything that needs to be gone. I’m not going to go too much more into the rite tonight, but it was a good one, and I’m glad I made time for it. I’ll give you a short little taster of my Hekate altar below and my deipnon offerings. Everything’s moved around, and it’ll be a big State of the Shrines post coming up after Wep Ronpet so you can see how I’ve changed my room.

Bedroom Shrines Update #2

Since my last State of the Shrines post has been making the rounds on tumblr recently, I thought I’d post some more photos of what I’ve done in my room now. I’ve got most of the work done, bar one Ivar shelf in the corner, and the bookshelves over the bed, and hanging a few final pieces (like picture frames etc), and then it’ll be done. So this isn’t an official State of the Shrines for 2018 yet, but it’s progress. I’ll do a proper one once everything’s done, bc there are a few shrines I’m planning for the bookshelves so it’s not done until they’re up there.

Be aware that everything is still a work in progress, and I’m still figuring out how I want everything to be, so things may not stay this way as I finish everything off, but it’s working for now. I may still decide to redo things, or change things around, and I’m still sorting out how I want the altar by the window to function, since both Mary and Aphrodite’s shrines are going to be on the bookshelves. So we’ll see how that one settles in. So yeah, there are a few odd statues that are just hanging around, not quite in the right place yet, but for the most part, it’s working for me.

I have a lot of photos, so bear with me, but see under the cut for what I’ve got so far. ❤

Progress on the new room

So I’ve been redoing my bedroom for the past idk how long. It’s been a slower process this time than the last time I did this, mostly bc I am broke and it takes a long time to save when you are broke. But it is closer to being done now. All the painting is done, and now we just need to finish the new desk, work out the wall shelves, and finish up modding the Ivar, and then it’ll be done.

So I thought I’d share some photos of what I’ve got so far, so you can get an idea of what it’s going to look like when it’s finally completed. I’ll do a proper State of the Shrines post then, but for now, have some photos. ❤

The shrines have settled in

Wesir all wrapped and ready for the Mysteries.

So I wrote a while back about changing the shrines around, but I didn’t want to post about them until they’d settled in. Sometimes, new shrine arrangements need time for me to tweak them, to make sure they are right. Big changes, too, are ones I feel I need to sit with, in case I decide to change them back. So I have given myself a week or so to tweak and sit and practice and figure out what I need to do to make them right, and I think I’m done, for the moment. Shrines always change, they never stay the same, so this is no more permanent than my other shrines. It’s just a reflection of where I am in my path right now.

I’ve also just got around to wrapping my statue of Wesir. It’s a bit later than I normally do it, given there’s only a week to go. But I noticed the lack of His presence once it was done. I do miss Him during this time, but it’s never permanent.

One thing I did achieve today was to go back through the Daybook and pick out all the Mysteries of Wesir-related festivals, and begin compiling something for that. I wanted a more complete picture than the eight-day one I’ve been working with, and going by the dates, I’m actually a few weeks early with mine if I schedule it on May 1, so that’ll be something to think about, whether I keep the May 1 start date, or keep the Kemetic dates instead.

I wouldn’t mind moving it so much. It would give me a bit of breathing space to do a more Hekate-focused May 1 High Day rite without it crashing into the Mysteries. Which is not necessarily a bad thing. I would appreciate that, since I wouldn’t need to try to do too many things at once. So that’s definitely on the cards, but nothing’s been decided yet.

Wep Ronpet beckons again

What happens when I try to find something to do with Sobek’s (broken off) headgear to make this Herubirb into a Sobek-Heru birbcroc.

I swear it always creeps up on me, even though I know it’s coming. But anyway. It is nearly Wep Ronpet, and I am in my final week of preparation before the epagomenal days begin on Saturday. Saturday? *checks* Friday! They begin on Friday! I haven’t set up the shrine for it yet, but I’ll probably do that tomorrow, once I fish out all the little god statues I need from the box I am pretty sure they are in somewhere.

I spent a couple of hours this afternoon cleaning all the shrines and redressing them. There’s an added layer of preparing because Friday is also the Deipnon, so. Doing my cleaning now seems, well. It seems to work for me. Plus, I’d rather do it today when it’s cool than wait till later when it’s going to get hot. Cleaning shrines in the heat is no fun, let me tell you.

I tried to do a room/shrine tour thing because taking +elebenty photos is tiring, but it didn’t quite work out, so. I will try again tomorrow and see if I can get something to post for you so you can see how they look now. I have been re-evaluating them all and cleaning them and making sure they are the shrines I really need, and I have put some things away, and changed some altar cloths, and moved some statues around. So it’s looking pretty good now. I have the Shedety shrine, the witchcraft shrine, the lararium, the Goddess shrine, the Masrai shrine, and the ancestor shrine for Bowie and the queer ancestors. …That seems like a lot. And it probably is, for the space I have. Anyway.

For now, have this picture of my Herubirb and His shiny new headgear. One of my Sobek statues arrived with His hat broken off, so once I gave up trying to keep gluing it back on (because resin hates glue apparently), I wasn’t sure what else to do with it. So in the middle of cleaning Heru up, I decided to see if Sobek’s hat would fit on Heru’s head, with the addition of a bit of ribbon and some blutac for stick and cushioning. And, well. It works. Enough for my purposes, even if the shadows now make Him look like an angry Herubirb. XD *pets Him*

FYI: nshrine

In case anyone’s wondering, nshrine is apparently closing, so I’ve removed the links to the virtual shrines from the Shrine page. I was pondering reworking it anyway, so at least this gives me a reason to do so. If anyone else has any other nshrine pages still linked around the place, you might want to remove them.

It won’t change very much, I don’t think, but in lieu of nshrine, I want to see if there’s another option, or a better way to make it a good space. It really hasn’t been updated in, well. Literally years. I ported it over from the old site, which had been ported over from the old side, etc.

I want to give it a chance to reflect where my path is now, which isn’t where I was when I first set it up. Heru and Isis will probably get in there, too, but whether I keep a shrine for Sobek on His own, I haven’t decided yet.

I know it’s a bit naff having a ~virtual shrine~ on my website, but I like it. I’ve always liked having a place for people to leave prayers, whether recorded or otherwise, if they don’t have a shrine of their own, or just want to spend a moment connecting with Him. To me, this site is His temple. It’s the House of Sobek. To not have a public shrine, to me, defeats the purpose of building a House for Him.

So, that is just a small update, for now. I have other things to post about, but I wanted to post about this now, when it was brought to my attention, so you all know what’s going on if the links don’t work.